On the Way to the Hospital

July 15, 2020

Sharon and I have had our share of adversity, but we’ve learned to use those moments to grow. With over 70 years of combined experience, we can help you do the same – no matter what comes your way. Sharon tells the story of a very challenging moment in our lives as Jaison’s parents.

The ambulance siren was blaring, but I couldn’t hear it.

All I could hear were the strange wheezing sounds of Jaison’s breathing as his ten-year-old body contorted in neverending seizures. As the ambulance sped down the street, the EMT’s worked on Jaison. There was nothing I could do but sit and watch as the world whizzed past.

Each second seemed to be an hour long. I could hear my mind wondering if Jaison would die, or if his ability to think would be even more compromised. I was filled with terror. For much of my life, I was not someone who was good at coping with crisis. On this day, I started down the usual path towards panic, but then something unexpected started to occur.

I knew that at any moment, the seizures could stop for a brief interval, and there was a chance that Jaison could wake up. If this was going to be the last moment I was to spend with my precious Jaison, I wanted him to see the magnificence of his own heart reflected back to him. It wasn’t just a mother’s love that I wanted him to see if he woke up between seizures, I wanted him to see Divine Love.

On an intellectual level, I could remember what Divine Love is; but that wasn’t enough. My heart longed to be a pure presence of love in that moment for Jaison.

The ambulance swung around the corner as the medical people were taking Jaison’s vitals and reporting the results to the doctor at the hospital. My mind felt the pull to begin telling myself how horrible this situation was, but I resisted the impulse to go down that path.

It’s as if all the spiritual experiences of my life, suddenly converged. Almost without effort, the mind became still. The body was experiencing the intense sensations of fear, grief and anger combined, but instead of pulling away from the pain with stories about what might happen in the future, I made a different choice.

I was willing to be totally aware of the whole experience, fear and all. As I brought more and more awareness into the moment; it was like seeing the emotions through an electron microscope. All this spaciousness appeared between the sensations of emotion, like I was looking at the spaces between protons and neutrons. A quantum portal opened and the spaciousness revealed the magnificence of Divine Love.

Through it all, the mother continued to do what mothers do in such circumstances. And although I was not separate from being the mother, my identity was mother and Divine Love simultaneously.

We were whisked into an emergency room, and Trevor appeared. Jaison was still seizing and the nurse came in and ask all kind of medical questions. When she left, Trevor and I stood over Jaison in silence. We hugged and then we looked at each other. Trevor’s hand brushed the hair away of my face. “I really think that Jaison’s going to be ok. How are you doing, sweetie?” he asked.

I just looked at him, and I saw that he saw what was happening for me.

“I see Unity Consciousness in your eyes.” Trev said to me. “That’s so wonderful that you can see the divine love is here even in a moment like this.”

“You can only see it in me, because your experiencing it too,” I replied. “I love Jaison so much, I just want him to see in my eyes that love is here and he doesn’t need to be afraid.”

By evening, Jaison’s seizures had totally stopped, but he was so groggy from all the drugs that I doubted that he could comprehend the depth of love I was beaming at him. The medical team reassure us that as far as they could tell there was no major damage to his brain and that he could go home with us.

A few days later, Jaison typed, “I had a dream and I saw you and Dad looking like angels.”

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